Butterflies in the Stomach? Try Pepto.

[theoriginalblurker]

There is a period of time during a new romantic relationship when everything is heart-poundingly exciting.  Does she like me as much as I like her?  Will he ask me out?  When will we kiss?  Will she be a good kisser?  Will he want to do more?  Will my parents walk in on us?  (ok, that one was a little dated)

Once the relationship becomes more "established," whether it now be a marriage, or any other long-term contract where there is no longer any question about the nature of the romance, something is certainly lost.  There will never again be that nervous feeling in the stomach that comes from the unknown.  You each know exactly how the other looks without clothes.  You know their likes and dislikes, both in food and in sex.  The blush is off the rose, to use an old cliché. 

I suspect that there are many people who are addicted to that rush of adrenaline that comes with unknown romantic territory.  They believe that this feeling is what it means to be in love with another person.  Once that feeling has faded, they must no longer be in love, so they go looking for another territory.  I don't mean to imply that this is the only reason for people to be unfaithful in their relationships, but I think it is a factor in many cases.

So, after a while we lose that rush of adrenaline, but what do we get in return?  Ignore for a moment the security of any children that have come from the relationship, and just concentrate on the idea of romantic love.  What do we get from the established relationship?  And is one "better" than the other?

I have some ideas on this subject, but I'm interested in hearing other's opinions before I blather on (any more than I've already done).

Comments

[follybard.livejournal.com]

So, after a while we lose that rush of adrenaline, but what do we get in return? Ignore for a moment the security of any children that have come from the relationship, and just concentrate on the idea of romantic love.

All right, I was with you until right there at the end. I'm not sure I even believe in "romantic love". This leads to a great deal of confusion and face-making when poor dear spouse brings up the idea of doing something "romantic". (Really, I'm like a ten-year-old boy about these things. My idea of showing my sweetie that I love him generally involves making him laugh so hard that his lungs become a choking hazard.)

So, I'll concentrate on the first part of your statement: what am I getting out of it that isn't the adrenaline rush? I'd say companionship, family, and lots and lots of laughter. Someone I feel comfortable around -- comfortable enough to be myself even when he makes fun of me, because I know he loves me anyway. Someone with whom I can share the absurdities of day-to-day life.

Is that "better" than the romantic rush of a new relationship? For me, yes -- because it means more. The benefits of a long-term relationship come because you've worked for it and you're committed to it, which means more to me than the thrill of "Oooh, what happens if I press this button?", y'know?

Hmm, I wonder how one's relative valuation of "thrill" vs "security" correlates with one's Myers-Briggs scores....

[greeneyes-rpi.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I even believe in "romantic love".

I was referring to love that included a sexual aspect, rather than the old knight-in-shining-armor type of situation. I'm sure there is a better word for this, but I couldn't come up with one at the time.

[drelmo.livejournal.com]

In this context, "romantic love" is the old knight-in-shining-armor type of love. It's why, e.g., Arthurian romance is called romance.

[greeneyes-rpi.livejournal.com]

Um, according to my response, no. In this context, I was not referring to Arthurian romantic love, which does not have a sexual aspect to it.

[drelmo.livejournal.com]

"Courtly love" does not have much of a sexual aspect, but it's not the whole of classical romance. After all, the central focus of the post-French Arthurian myth is, of course, the triangle of Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot, which is sexual in all but the most bowdlerized and child-oriented variants.

Romantic love tends to imply a focus on the emotional content of the relationship.